Can you get to the point quickly when you speak?
Why women feel conflicted about being direct
Some of us are naturally more direct than others.
Others, well, we may take a while to get there.
In professional settings, it’s a good practice to be direct, and headline-first communication does just that.
The Headline technique helps us share our core idea quickly and clearly in conversation.
The Headline Communication Technique is simple.
Say your key point first.
Add a brief explanation if you feel it’s necessary.
If we add too many details to our message, it’s considered “hedging” and softens our tone. Hedging can help us be relatable in certain social situations, but it can also undermine our authority and dilute our message if overused in professional settings.
Here is an example of a headline-first text when asking a work colleague out for lunch:
“Hi Laura, I’d love to catch up and hear about your new work project! Would you like to have lunch with me this Thursday?”
Compare that direct invitation with this version of the text:
“Hi Laura, how are you? Last week, I was walking by the restaurant where we had lunch a few months ago, and I laughed at the waiter who messed up our order and gave us EXTRA shrimp instead of no shrimp, even though I’m allergic to shellfish. Ugh! Anyway, I know it’s last-minute and that you are probably super busy, but if you are free sometime, want to have lunch? If not, I totally understand.”
Notice how in the headline-first text, we understand the request immediately.
In the longer text, we have to work to decode the invitation.
The long text’s qualifications, “if you are free” and “you’re probably super busy,” also weaken the invitation. We can use hedging to soften our message, but we might end up diminishing our offer to hang out with the wonderful, fabulous us! Essentially, we may be yucking our own yum.
However, in many workplaces, women are penalized for being “too” direct.
Direct women are mislabeled as harsh, rude, and aggressive when they are simply getting to the point. Women in leadership have to walk a tightrope between being assertive and personable.
In the case study, “Heidi Vrs. Howard," researchers presented two groups of students with a case involving a successful venture capitalist, Heidi Roizen, who was known for being direct and assertive. For one group, the name was changed from Heidi to Howard, leading to the following outcome:
“Heidi was rated as equally highly competent and effective as 'Howard,' but she was also evaluated as unlikeable and selfish. Most participants said they wouldn’t want to hire her or work with her.”
This bias must be addressed, period, no explanation required.
The good news is that we can tweak our directness, depending on the situation:
When I’m facilitating a large group, I’m direct to keep the focus and flow.
At dinner with girlfriends, I share more details and warmth.
Parenting teenagers is an exercise in neutral, monosyllabic commands: Dinner. Bedtime. No.
My personal struggle with the meandering story: I can get caught up in the details when telling a good story. Maybe it’s my Irish-American “Gift of Gab” roots or my attention to detail, but I tend to overexplain. My husband even has a “wrap it up” hand signal for me if I’m sharing a teachable moment with my kids for too long.
I’ve gotten more concise when I share a story. It’s a conversation skill that I’m still working on.
Currently, in my small-group program, Speaking With Presence, we all agree that we could improve our headline-first communication. We’re trying out different exercises to find the right balance that feels natural and genuine.
How about you? How do you feel about speaking directly?
Do you tend to soften your requests, or do you aim straight for the target? Share in the comments; I’d love to hear your thoughts!
Stay calm & speak on,
Jessica