Sometimes you just have to walk away

When it's not worth having a difficult conversation

For most of my life, I have been praised for being insightful and supportive. This makes me a caring coach, parent, and partner. But getting my own needs met can be challenging, especially when I fear the other person’s reaction.

My people-pleasing instinct makes me tune into other people’s needs and sometimes abandon my own. As a feminist and an outspoken progressive, this is hard to admit.

I’m 51, and I still have to pause before my knee-jerk reaction has me saying yes to all of the things. I have gained skills and awareness and built stronger boundaries, but old habits die hard, if they ever die at all.

I grew up with an emotionally volatile Father. Never spill milk around this guy. More on that later.

My parents divorced before I could tie my shoes. The 1970s “Free Love Era” didn’t work out so well for many mothers, including my mom. I was the kid with the floral suitcase who traveled between two houses across Berkeley, California.

One house was my Mother’s home, full of light, art,…